THE IDEA
One real turd. A token called $POO.
A real object. An on-chain certificate.
Creator fees fund the Vault’s offers to buy Specimen No. 1.
Its owner can accept the money. Then the Vault puts it up for sale again. Higher.
PROGRAM RULES, NOT A PROMISE OF BUYERS, TRADING ACTIVITY OR A RISING PRICE.
HE WANTS HIS SHIT BACK.
Not to bury it.
To put it back on display.
Another owner. Another offer.
Another chance for the world to reconsider what it’s worth.
Pookitty knows where he wants it to go.
That’s the Ascent.
Higher.
VIEW THE MECHANISM
THE RULES BEHIND THE RITUAL.
$POO is the token. Specimen No. 1 is the object. The current certificate records its holder. The Vault handles the offers and sales; the Ascent records what it has paid.
100% of creator fees are routed to the Vault; they accrue upstream until distributed to it. New outside USDC receives the Ascent Split: 10% is allocated to buying and burning $POO; the remaining 90% becomes available for acquisitions. Direct deposits get the same treatment.
$POO buybacks: the 10% is spent buying $POO on the open market and burning it. Buybacks begin once $POO graduates to PumpSwap; until then the 10% accumulates.
The first offer needs at least $1. After a treasury sale, the next offer needs at least 2% above that sale price, with at least seven days between acquisitions. Once eligible, the holder can accept the full available amount—not just the minimum.
After an acquisition, the Vault’s asking price starts at 125% of what it paid and declines over seven days to 102%, then stays there. Anyone can buy at the current ask. The first sale in a cycle goes entirely back into acquisition funds. A repeat sale after a burn and replacement in that same cycle receives the 90/10 split.
Once a funded offer exists, 90 days without the holder accepting or declining ends the wait: the Vault pays the holder the full offer, marks that certificate VOID and issues a successor certificate to itself. A decline resets the 90-day window.
These are program rules, not a promise of buyers, trading activity or a rising price. The published program governs settlement.
Program upgrades. The Vault program is upgradeable at launch, so defects can still be fixed—which also means the upgrade key can change the program. The plan is to revoke the upgrade authority after $POO graduates to PumpSwap and the first verified buyback-and-burn, making the Vault program immutable, and to announce the revocation with its transaction. It does not freeze Pump, USDC or Metaplex Core, and the Vault keeps its narrowly scoped certificate-recovery authority.
$POO holders own $POO. Ownership and custody of Specimen No. 1 are set out in the possession terms. No one has a claim on the vault except through its published program.
KEEPER OF THE TURD. PROOF OF TURD.
The physical object stays in the museum’s story. Its Keeper publishes photographs and signs the supporting proof record. The gallery holds the latest photograph, original studies and provenance; the Vault keeps the full log.
SEE THE OBJECT AS AN OBJECT
The vitrine, the illustrated studies, and the Ascent. An object with a record of its own.